Thursday, September 28, 2006

Tighten or Loosen?

I recently read a great book by American psychologist Jonathan Haidt, called The Happiness Hypothesis: Putting Ancient Wisdom and Philosophy to the Test of Science. Haidt draws on the great teachings and asks whether what they say is supported fully, partly or not at all by science so far.

One paragraph has kept coming back to me, because it contains a simple fact that challenges my own thinking about the benefits of philosophy. Here it is:

Clinical psychologists sometimes say that two kinds of people seek therapy: those who need tightening, and those who need loosening. But for every patient seeking help in becoming more organized, self-controlled and responsible about her future, there is a waiting room full of people hoping to loosen up, lighten up, and worry less about the stupid things they said about yesterday's staff meeting or about the rejection they are sure will follow tomorrow's lunch date. For most people, ... [the instinctive self] ... sees too many things as bad and not enough as good.

Instinct is a pessimist, because that's how you survive in the jungle. The consequence of missing an opportunity for a meal is relatively minor, compared with the consequence of becoming a meal for something else. That also applies to things like prestige: the Alpha Male is only as good as his last scrap. Win a hundred battles, all you get is another day in power. Lose one, and you're out. We are pre-programmed to be more fearful than hopeful.

But the observation of the psychologists troubles me, and I wonder if it does you.

The School has always advertised itself as offering ways to become "more organized, self-controlled and responsible", and only secondarily aimed to help people to loosen up. We lighten up, according to the School, only when we become disciplined. To be disciplined is, as His Holiness famously said, to "flow freely". What we do with this is to re-frame "lightening up" as being no more than a side-effect of adding discipline to life. The world is sliding into disorder, anarchy, atheism and immorality, and we have the answer - more discipline. Stop whinging and get back in that trench, you idle, complacent layabout!

Even more troubling than the thought that we might be losing customers by our approach, appealing to the odd one out rather than responding to the needs of most people, is the implication that we are perhaps siding with the instinctive, habitual nature against reason. That's to say, if basic instinct makes me worry too much, and I fill my conscious mind with worry as well, then I am going to become more repressed, more neurotic, more miserable. And in some sense, this seems to fit the stereotype, if not the inner reality - enthusiastic, cheering crowds in part 1; grey suits and silence later.

It may be that the world is getting too free-and-easy. Let's grant that it is, for the moment. Does that necessarily mean that a corrective prescription of heavy discipline and hard work should be administered? Have we the responsibility to weigh in the scale of discipline?

I don't have the answer to this, but one begins to suggest itself. I believe that HH is right about discipline and free flow, of course, but I also believe that we've interpreted him wrongly somewhere along the line. We must have done. I would come back to his classic formulation, "tender advice, showers of love, or a little hard discipline". It seems that His Holiness wants us to be careful about how we use the negative, but to pour on the positive without any limit. If human beings really are saddled with a base nature that makes them worry too much, then it must be so that encouragement, enthusiasm and hope are what they need. When we have reassured people that they don't face a threat, then perhaps we can employ a little hard discipline, but with the lightest of touches.

11 comments:

Nick said...

For me, the whole question of tightening and loosening is related to what V said elsewhere: that ahankara is an illusion, not original sin. The tightening seems to occur with the notion of original sin, badness, wrongness, guilt etc. Getting some glimpse of the illusion, being indifferent to it is loosening.

I don't think I would agree in advocating a loosening in the discipline (I have plenty of slack in this area already) but question the approach to the ahankara. I heard a teacher recently say words to the effect of: "we don't see the ego until it is in conflict with something". I'm sure this is true. I can go merrilly along with ideas about how important I am in my job etc until I am made redundant and the rug is pulled out from a whole set of ideas about myself. The ideas are now in conflict with the reality and are hence seen as false.

But in contrast to this: do we or should we go about consciously attacking the ahankara? Why attack an illusion? Do you not reinforce it by fighting with it? Same as fighting with any thought is to engage ourselves with more thought, more agitation? What really happens if we fight with ahankara? Two options as far as I can see:

- we become more defensive, like a hermit barricading his door from the inside to the one who's trying to bash it down.

- see the illusion. It's an idea being attacked, not me. So there's nothing to defend, no cause to fight back.

Although I can see the reason in the latter, I still feel that an atmosphere of deliberate provocation of ahankara is likely to result in more tightening up and no-one speaking openly about anything. I think this is changing anyway but I'm just interested in observing the process, what is occurring.

Anonymous said...

Hear, hear! To both the post and Damian's comment.

I'm fortunate enough to be working with the early School students and there's no impression there that they desire discipline as a good in itself. What they seem to be looking for is freedom. It's only us - who've been through the mill - who insist that discipline = freedom. It's the difference between Jupiter and Saturn. And, yes, we in the western world almost glorify the protestant work ethic with its concomitant striving. It ain't necessarily so, and not in the School either.

And yet, even the Anglo-Saxons amongst us can lighten up. It's a matter of enjoying the moment and then, refreshed, turning to the business in hand again.

This is a somewhat ridiculous example, but who cares? This week I heard Colin Thubron speak about his latest book on the silk route. Afterwards, myself and a friend went outside to have our glass of wine, spoke to a couple of chaps also out in the courtyard, and found ourselves singing at the top of our voices, 'Despite all temptations, To belong to other nations, He remains an Englishman, He remains an Englishman...' with falsetto high notes ... whilst our new companions danced through the fountains of Somerset House with their umbrellas up. You had to be there.

Not serious? Well, perhaps not. Life affirming, certainly. Refreshing? But of course. Loving and energy giving? Undoubtedly. Free flowing -you bet! (Sounds like just the right kind of drink - I'll have a pint of that, please.)

And my point? We cannot order life, corrall it, subject it to constraint without damage to ourselves. Overdo a healthful discipline and you get a low person. I've been there.

When students in the early part of School look around they see people who are grey and 'look as though they never go home', as one said to me. Attractive? Encouraging? Want to be like that?

Kevin said...

Damian,
There's a lot here, and I've spent enough on this today already. Just one or two remarks, then. I wasn't trying to be provocative. The words "Stop whinging and get back in that trench, you idle, complacent layabout!" are a distillation of what I actually did hear many times in the School back in the old Youth Group days. There were no bones made about it, and we lapped it up. We loved it. Plainly things are different now, as I'm sure we all know; but these things persist subtly, in me as in others. The other thing I said about cheering crowds and grey suits is, again, a distillation of the view I hear from many people today. In the past week I have heard it at least twice from others. So I am just relaying honestly what people do say, without pretending otherwise. That's not to say I agree with them fully, as I hinted.

As for self-mastery, I think you're right about the implications; on the other hand Plato, who I think uses those words, also recommended "drinking parties" (Symposiums) as the foundation for any education system. This was on the grounds that people had somehow to relax their hardened hearts. Mr MacLaren used to do that - I well remember his lecture at the time of Gulf War I. He spent the whole time mocking our seriousness. I also recall him talking about a guru who laughed like a hyena when he saw a row of pictures of wise men, making fun of all the beards. Your point about national traits is well-made.

Kevin said...

Laura and I were on similar wavelengths at 12.16 with the 'drinking party' (er, I mean Symposium) concept.

Kevin said...

Damian,
It was great fun as much an anything - getting challenged and provoked like that. We felt like we were getting somewhere. And unlike the Foundation Groups, we hadn't grown up with it so it could be seen as an experiment.

I wholeheartedly agree with your view of what we're doing, although I'm not sure Kapila is saying anything so different. What I understood from Kapila's remarks was he felt deliberate provocation of ahankara (i.e. heavy-handed discipline) wasn't likely to bear fruit. Maybe he could clarify that.

Nick said...

Well...perhaps I was on a bit of a tangent...

I think we need to understand discipline. My best understanding is that in truth it is natural balance. So, by this definition, aren't we all trying to return to this? Not excess rigidity or excess laxity, but balance.

But what I hear being questioned in the whole cultural thing seems to be more like the bhavana in relation to discipline? Then it isn't finding the natural balance any more. What is it? Beating up the ahankara? Expiation of guilt? Fear that if I loosen up slightly I will loose my grip completely? I feel it is something like this that leads to what has been described.

So, I don't really see a problem with the disciplines as they're given in the school and I have mostly experienced the result of adhering to them, on a residential for example, to be wholly positive and freeing. I think the question is to do with:

- bhavana in relation to discipline. (what's driving the attitude towards it or behind it and how does this colour the actions/behaviour?)

- using discipline as an ahankara bashing weapon. i.e, the kind of thinking that anything I might enjoy is obviously ahankara so must be denied with a grim-faced stoicism.

Anonymous said...

Following V's original post with quote about loosening or tightening, I had a dream last night which occurs not infrequently (with different settings)and which always has the same emotional force. I'm trying to organise something - last night it was packing up after a holiday - and am constantly thwarted in my efforts. The underlying tone is a mix of anxiety, bafflement and frustration.

I rather suspect this is as common as cornflakes.

Now one's dreams are not 'School business', which is perhaps just as well, but it does lend credence to the view expressed that most people need loosening rather than tightening.

OK, I'd had a nice curry last night, but even so ....

Anonymous said...

I once listed, for my own benefit, the qualities that seemed to be lacking (in me ? in general ?)these days : love; care; delight; praise; congratulation; gratitude; enthusiasm; encouragement; support.

Whether you think that the SES has a better or worse record than the world in general, is up to you; but I hope you'd agree that we should practice these qualities full throttle -- they might be infectious !

Anonymous said...

Just read your comment after writing another under Thorny Issues.

That old adage, 'Give what you think you lack,' works a treat in times of doubt.

Anonymous said...

It's just occurred to me, on the matter of discipline : the finest teachers I remember 'offered' their wisdom rather than 'imposing' it. Discipline was offered as 'advice' which would be of benefit to you. The effect was to put the freedom, the liberation, before the discipline, in importance !
Hope this makes sense.

Anonymous said...

Perfect sense - would you like to choose a name, that makes sense too?