Mournful Trumpet

Can that be the sound of The Last Post?

Well, maybe or maybe not. Kapila's helpful research has found a way to set up a discussion forum that is easy to use and free. You can find it here: http://kaiwalya.hyperboards.com/

Having reflected on the many useful comments under the preceding post, I think it is time to expand the conversation to a more appropriate format. Others appear to agree with that.

With more space to breathe and move, we can be a broader church. I have come to believe that the blog format is limiting us in a number of ways. I don't regret what I said in the previous post about the blog losing its focus and getting distracted, but perhaps that is more to do with the nature of a blog than anything else. This conversation is getting too big for my online living room, if you see what I mean.

It's an experiment - let's see what we can make of it. We can always come back here if it's not a success.

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200th Post

As the title suggests, this is the 200th post on this blog (thanks to Laura, Son of Moses, Kapila and others who have contributed to the total). Maybe this is a good time to reassess.

When the blog started as "Free the Teaching" last April, I was personally motivated to make a nuisance of myself. The "whyaretheydead" message board had forced St James and the School into positive action, and having participated on that board for about 3 months, I had had enough. Being an "out" member of the School on there was no fun at all, unless you're one of those people that enjoy sports like urban hang-gliding, traffic-dancing or javelin-catching. Even so, it seemed absurd that it was the only place to discuss the School openly and honestly.

I also had the view (which I still hold) that the School's problems are not due to mystical blockages in the divine ether, or demonic evil-doing behind the scenes, but because we are not getting things right. The reason we are not getting things right was that we have not listened properly to the Shankaracharya and, instead of that, interpreted his words in a special way that was less threatening to us. I believe that is the real reason why the School has been so reluctant to release the Conversations to its own students before they have heard them several times in a group context. By restricting access to the Conversations except via the tutorial voice, the School has been able to control our understanding of the Conversations. By the time a student gets a copy, his understanding of their contents has been thoroughly prepared.

This is not sinister or dishonest. It is human nature, expressed in a rather paranoid way. I've detailed extensively elsewhere my views on this, but to give you an example, the School has traditionally had a very possessive view of its members. It was a jealous god, and anyone who left the fold was to be regarded as 'fallen'. Someone trying to be associated with the School without being an active member was believed to be benefitting from the sattva of others without doing the work. Friendships within the School were based on truth, and so if someone left then what would that friendship be based on, except a lie?

All of these ideas are plainly ridiculous, as well as impractical. It creates paranoia and shame among the members, and anger and bitterness among the "leavers".

But even if we were disposed to ignore the evidence of our own eyes, we could have listened to what the Shankaracharya told us about the two kinds of disciples at the ashram. The first kind ("inmates") remain there, working all the time under discipline; the second kind live their lives and only attend when they feel the need to do so. There is no distinction in what he says between the two. It is a matter of the needs of the disciples, and not of the needs of the ashram.

This issue has been raised with our leader and he has responded. The parties earlier this year were generally felt to have been a success, and no doubt over time the old scars will heal and a proper relationship with our members past and present will be established. Other initiatives have appeared in the past year and are under way that will fundamentally alter the way the School functions, and I believe that on the whole these changes are for the good.

It's not relevant to wonder whether the existence of this blog has made a difference. The question now is whether it has a place in the present situation.

It has seemed in recent weeks that the blog has begun to lose its way. Discussions about the merits of "other paths", have not, to my mind, added a great deal. Those that have chosen to go elsewhere are welcome to it and we wish them luck, but this blog is not the place for them to advertise their new affiliation or to compare it to the School. It's a bit like a discussion forum on the future of the Church of England being taken over by people who have left its gentle bumbling behind and converted to something more radical and uncompromising, let us say Islam. Maybe the grass is greener. As I am sure you have heard,

There is a happy land far far away,
Where they have ham and eggs
Three times a day.

But this blog is, I am afraid, about the School.

Those that believe, on the other hand, that because this is all a dream there is therefore nothing to do or discuss should perhaps not take part in the discussion. This blog was created with the view that there is work that needs to go on (aaargh ... language becoming more impersonal ... and ... dead ... must avoid ... linguistic elephant-traps), all right - I believe we need to do some work - no-one will do it for us - to clear away the obstacles. If you don't share that view, fine. Just don't use this blog to tell me off about it.

Another thing the blog is not for is providing 'inspiration'. Reading this blog will, regretfully, probably not help you to become self-realized. It will never be the group evening you wish you had. Group is for self-realization. Blog is for exploring how the School is, and how it should be (based on philosophical principle), and how the gap can be closed. It can still be fun, of course, but let's not forget why we are bothering.

Am I being unreasonable or preachy here? I probably am, but I'm just doing my best. I'd rather be a Socrates-type mosquito, irritating people into life a little bit, than persist with habitual error. The School is very good at continuing in a straight line, and unfortunately it does tend towards tamasic repetition unless someone breaks ranks. That means someone has to play the part of breaking ranks, for the good of the School. While remembering that it is just playing a part.

Again, I feel that after 200 posts the blog has somewhat lost its way, and we need to have a think about it.

Should we:

(a) stop, given that the School is changing rapidly and radically?
(b) replace the blog with something less personal to me, such as a bulletin board, or an edited newsletter which seeks contributions from interesting people?
(c) replace it with, say, a monthly or bi-monthly informal meeting?
(d) try to replace it with an official regular meeting?
(e) your suggestion here

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A (w)hole to look through

Seen at a sculpture exhibition in a garden last weekend in Norfolk.

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Evolution

Just back from a residential week, which was remarkable in a number of ways.

Leaving aside my own personal experience of it - this blog is not really about me, but about the School as a whole - there were a number of welcome 'firsts'.

Dress Although some streams of the School appear to have adopted a policy of "carry on regardless", ours has definitely embraced the new freedom. Plenty of trouser-wearing women of course (they broke that taboo a few months back), but also some of the men have stopped wearing ties in the evening, unless they wanted to. It was just a handful, but the others will no doubt get used to the idea.

A 'Lucca' day We were divided into six teams, with tutors mixed in (first names in use). Some people were a bit cynical about the whole "team-building" idea, but speaking for myself I thought the 'experiential learning' was brilliant. My favourite bit was trying to build a bridge across a 'river' - it sounds like a nightmare corporate day out, I know - in which I discovered a lot about my own personal approach to teamwork, leadership and followership. Also very good was coaching, which differs from teaching in that the coach cannot tell the 'coachee' anything, either directly or in the form of rhetorical questions.

Meeting in a circle Never thought I would see this happen in the Ballroom. What I noticed - apart from the very intimate conversation that developed - was that it changed my attitude to what I was supposed to be doing in a meeting. I wasn't a passive viewer at any stage. I noticed that when everyone is in view of everyone else, I felt more responsible for myself and for others. No smart remarks out of the corner of the mouth or raising eyebrows at one's neighbour. The circle (or large oval - there were a lot of us) seemed to reinforce what we were about.

There were a number of other minor changes - tutors were swapped for the week; private study sessions; a panel discussion on other paths, people or organizations (Hare Krishna, Deepak Chopra, Eckhart Tolle, Sufism); presentations on exciting new developments being pioneered by people present on the week (Just This Day, an online Sanskrit dictionary).

Maybe the best moment for me was when an impromptu game of rounders started up on the front lawn, with men, women and children (yes - people had brought their children!) all taking part. I suddenly thought - this is the first time I've ever played sport with a woman here. It was great fun.

That would be my overall impression, I think: great fun, real philosophy. Not such an unusual combination, after all.

To anyone who might be in an area of the School where things have not started to move forward, I would say - hang in there. It's worth it.

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Rostropovich and the Six Blankets

I am not what anyone would describe as a musical conoisseur. Not that I can't enjoy it; I hope I can just about escape Shakespeare's devastating remark

The man that hath no music in himself,
Nor is not moved with concord of sweet sounds,

Is fit for treasons, stratagems and spoils;

The motions of his spirit are dull as night

And his affections dark as Erebus:

Let no such man be trusted.

— The Merchant of Venice V, i

It's just that it's not easy for me. I can happily spend 20 minutes looking at a Velazquez painting, but the same time listening to a complex orchestral piece would be tough going.

I've recently been listening in the car to a CD a friend gave me of the great cellist Rostropovich playing Dvorak's Cello Concerto (plus Tchaikovsky's Rococo Variations, which I was recently informed was not the 4th movement!) and after about seven or eight listens I am really starting to enjoy it. There are passages I still can't follow, but gradually I'm beginning to get the idea. A couple of weeks ago I heard that Mstislav Rostropovich had died at the age of 80, and last night I happened by accident on the last half hour of a TV tribute to his life ... click "Read more"

It turns out that this was not just a great musician, but a great man. Miraculously talented as a cellist, he was also by the by a concert pianist and one of the greatest conductors. He commissioned works from all of the best composers of the 20th and 21st Centuries, championed the cause of Shostakovich and Solzhenitsyn (for which he was eventually exiled), played an impromptu concert to celebrate at the Berlin Wall when it was torn down, and stood shoulder to shoulder in the Russian parliament with Yeltsin and the others when Gorbachev was overthrown in a military coup. He was also fantastically generous with his time and money, leading a campaign to vaccinate millions of Russian children against hepatitis, and supporting from his own funds dozens of young musicians too poor to pay for their own education. He said "friendship is the most important thing in the world".

He told a story of how, as a young musician he had been travelling with five others in a train through the night in the Russian winter. Each of them had only one blanket and Rostropovich was so cold that he lay down to sleep, with only the sincere hope that he would never wake up. Some while later he opened his eyes to find that all of the others had piled their blankets on top of him. He was visibly moved at the memory: in all of his life, he said, he had tried to emulate this act of kindness; but nothing he had ever done came close to those blankets.

The programme closed with a film of Rostropovich, at the height of his powers in 1974, playing the final movement of ... Dvorak's Cello Concerto. It was tremendous to see him play - so big and forceful, and yet so light. I felt that he was giving of himself, just as in his life he had given to others so freely, conscious only of the music. At the end, clearly exhausted, he embraced the conductor and some of his fellow players, as if they had all come through a long, dangerous ocean voyage together.

I'm sorry if I don't have a point to make here. This was just something that inspired me and I wanted to write it down.

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Abandoning the story

Yesterday evening I went to the Gangaji meeting near Waterloo. It was, in its way, quite a revelation. Her short exposition of how she came to her teacher and found the freedom and fulfilment she was looking for, was simple and clarifying. Her subsequent handling of people who came to the front to talk to her was exemplary. But her voice! And presence. This is an extraordinary woman.

She spoke of silence and demonstrated it. She spoke of letting go the story of her life - and encouraged us to do the same as a necessary, if alarming, step towards fulfilment. Her words and manner acted as a very gentle cut.

Her teacher, a disciple of Sri Ramana Maharshi, whom she met in Lucknow, sent her back to teach. He said she had 'the purity, nobility and satvic nature to carry this transmission to the West' (Wikipedia).

Be that as it may, I walked out into the dusk to Waterloo Station on my way home and never have I found a railway station more beautiful and welcoming.

Today has been very quiet and reflective.

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Quote ... Unquote

I very much enjoyed the responses to the "Golden Rules" post a few days ago. I think that what happened was that we stopped thinking about the problems as being about "them" and started to look at ourselves, with humour and humility. Maybe we could do more of that. The blog is useful to chivvy along the pace of change, I hope, but the real change is within me and you.

Another thing I would like to raise is the way we use quotations.

I often think of a wise quotation that I might use to contradict what someone else says, but I very rarely use it. It always feels like using a hammer to crack a nut ... and maybe the nut one is talking to is a human being, after all! ... click "Read more"

This blog is 99% made up of the words of its contributors. Why is this important? Because I believe that we in the School rely too much on the words of the wise, and need to learn to stand on our own two feet. The wise are constantly contradicting each other, anyway. The Bible is self-contradictory, if one is literal about it. Shantananda contradicts himself. So if we are going to rely on the wise, we need to place more emphasis on our own understanding. If we regurgitate partly-digested wisdom at each other, this is not communication.

There are blogs which are the exact opposite - a collection of wise quotations, with maybe 1% original content. I would not disparage that at all, but this blog has a different function.

Shantananda told the translator at the first meeting: "don't listen to my words; listen to my meaning, and translate that". On another occasion he said, "no-one needs to bind himself to a word". He also said that the quickest way to self-realization is to speak from the heart, and act on your words, without worrying too much about whether you've made a mistake or properly understood the teaching.

These principles of his have been honoured almost entirely in the breach.

There have been too many wise words from India and elsewhere, and too little understanding. We need to start to discover our own voices. Some (I know) will say that this is the route to egotism, but I can only respond that if that is what is in my heart, then "better out than in"! We cannot purify what is hidden, but only what is shown.

So I would propose this rule:

Never use a quotation to dismiss someone else's words, or when you have words of your own, however poor.

Responses?

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